Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
what day is it and did you see me today?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I wish there were birth control emojis
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
