An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
