You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
