I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
