Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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