Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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