No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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