i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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