I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
