Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Green mimosas i think yes
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
