I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
