So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
