I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
we're making bets on your personal life
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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