The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
