some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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