im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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