Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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