dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
he fucked my hip out of place.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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