Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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