I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize