We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
