dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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