is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
