Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
