New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
