Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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