I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Randomize
