babies were throwing up all over the place
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
