So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
