So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
