The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
