can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
