Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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