All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
