no, he came in my armpit
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
