i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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