i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
