Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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