You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
