if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
