his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
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