I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
