I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
