the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
