YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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