kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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