she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
