I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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