It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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