fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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