Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
