Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
