What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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