Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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