I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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