The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Randomize
