i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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