I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
