just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
