last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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