i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
